I am so tired. I feel like ever since PA school started it’s just been a constant push to keep going with no downtime. Even during the two weeks of break I had between my competency exam and the beginning of rotations in June, I traveled to Minnesota for a church retreat and flew back to New York only to fly out again to California for a wedding and return the night before rotations started.
The past four weeks of my first rotation have been great overall, no doubt about it. Despite the relatively good hours, especially compared to some of my classmates, I feel like I really don’t have that much time to just breathe. I can’t even pinpoint why I feel so tired. Maybe it’s because I’m on my feet the entire time I’m working, or maybe it’s because I’m always frantically trying to search my brain for differential diagnoses and their treatments. Perhaps it’s because I don’t really talk to or hang out with people when I’m not working and I’m jealous of everyone on social media enjoying their summers. Or possibly because at the back of my mind there’s a constant reminder that I need to study for my end of rotation exams, I need to work on my assignments for school, I need to write for my rotations journal, etc. I’m thinking is a combination of everything.
I know I mentioned feeling isolated before, but it is quite a strange experience, feeling isolation during PA school. For example, right now my family is out roadtripping and the rest of my extended family is heading out tomorrow to join them while I stay back because of rotations. Usually in the summers my friends and I grab every moment we can to hang out and soak in as much sun as possible (well, those of us that want to get more tan), but this summer I’m not able to do that. My parents keep telling me that rotations is only for one year and afterwards I can do whatever I want. But after rotations come boards (more studying, great) and after boards come job hunting and adulting.
I suppose this is a good time for me to turn on some worship music and praise my Lord because even when my soul feels heavy—especially when my soul feels heavy—He is worthy of praise. He is the only one who understands and can say “I know,” and really mean it. When I sleep tonight I want my heart to be praising Jesus and when I wake up I will praise Him because He has given me a new day full of His goodness and mercy and help to continue onward.